| uh oh |
[Nov. 19th, 2004|10:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ella fitzgerald | ] |
I think my eyesight is getting worse.
the other day in the cafe I thought a wet napkin on the ground was a piece of meat. |
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| THIS IS AN EMERGENCY |
[Sep. 15th, 2004|05:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Calling all friends! Calling all friends!
I need a pair of suspenders for my chefs uniform because the crotch is all the way down to my knees..
I only need to borrow them for the semester.
please. thank you. |
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| bah humbug |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|10:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | our house- csny | ] |
I have lived in the same place for a long time, it is time for me to go some place else.
No, said Margot, you have only lived next door for fifteen years.
sixteen, said mitchell.
fifteen.
six-..
what's the difference, said margot, I want you to stay next door forever.
I can't. said mitchell. |
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| here goes nothing |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|08:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
please please don't let this turn out like that episode of seinfeld when jerry wakes up from anesthesia(I don't know how to spell it) and the dentist and his assistant are putting their clothes back on. |
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| I don't really know |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|01:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 8675309 | ] |
So, knowing that it might have been the last time we ever see my grandfather alive, my brother smoked up before we left anyway.
Mr. fucking asshole demeranville or however you spell it has been talking to my brother about joining the army. So basically tomorrow I'm gonna find him and knock some sense into his god damn head because I don't want my brother joining the fucking army.
on a lighter note:
-Yesterday I called my older brother, only to find him wandering around in the woods near worcester looking for moose poop.
-Landy comes home today or tomorrow
-Nap Man(Timmy) is on break for a week!!!
-My grandfather is doing a lot better
-I spent this morning making Creepy Crawlers with my dad
-it's sunny outside |
|
|
| hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha |
[Dec. 2nd, 2003|04:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | another one bites the dust | ] |
"Alana did Cirrus in the winter/spring of her sophomore year, when she weighed perhaps 90 pounds. The five-day backpacking hike (in February) experienced the worst conditions I have seen in 23 years of doing Cirrus. It was continuously bitterly cold, and because there had been little snow the entire trail was glazed ice. Only three students made it though the five days, and one of them was Alana. She never lost her cheerfulness and sense of humor. This courage and fortitude, complemented by her work as a volunteer last year, led to her election as a Student Instructor."
oh Mr. Bogue....
"how come I found a fork and a steak knife in the bookshelf?"
"hahahahahahahahaha.... why would I put a fork and a steak knife in the bookshelf? hahahahaha"
"because you 'have a quirky sense of humor'" |
|
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| Excuse me miss |
[Oct. 1st, 2003|09:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | more than words | ] |
I think my school is turning straight-up ghetto. Trashy girls and trashy guys GALORE, drug dealing and fights in the hallways, it's weird if you walk down the hallway and see 5 people who aren't atrium kids.. Mutha fuckas must be smokin a lotta a lotta crack. fer serious.
it probably doesn't help that I have Magic Stick stuck in my head almost everyday.. and when that isn't stuck in my head Excuse Me Miss Again is.
I don't know..
I really don't. |
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|
| so far |
[Sep. 4th, 2003|08:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | whats goin on | ] |
school has:
-felt like camp
-bored me to death
-made me think a lot
-made me hungry
-made me lonely
-sucked.
but I wore long underwear under my pants today, that was nice |
|
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| miserable wreck... |
[Aug. 22nd, 2003|08:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jnsdfkbaksbakdbsad love me? please? | ] |
The hardest thing I've ever had to do(so far) was get myself to walk away from that boy, with tears in his eyes. knowing that he was either just going to stand there in line with people watching him cry, or someone else was going to comfort him and it couldn't be me. it was so fast and public and not the way I wanted it to be. but I'm glad I looked back when I got to the gate.
it's so lonely and cold with out him around, I didn't really think it was going to be this bad. |
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| I guess I just can't get over it.. |
[Aug. 17th, 2003|12:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall in a river | ] |
I talked to Jen tonight. and she told me that the day freddy left was the worst day in her entire life, but they still worked it out. and everybody is being wicked nice about it and saying that they'll drive into worcester with me to see him, or they'll give him a ride home to westford or whatever. I'm starting to feel better about this I think, but only when I'm not crying,haha.
then there's landon...
and I haven't really thought about him going away, to tell you the truth. it's just now dawning on me that this is the end. or this is the real end anyway. I hung out with him like 3 times this summer. and I don't think we ever hung out alone. that's not really best friend um I don't know. but like, yeah our bestfriendship keeled over, oddly enough, after he and megan broke up. that was probably one of the most disapointing things about this summer, I think. "it" just kind of died laughing. tim tries to tell me that we're still best friends, because we're exactly alike. but you know, in all honesty, I'm not sure if he'll even write or call once he gets to where he's going. he might write, and I might write back.. but only until our stamp books run out and we're too lazy and cheap to go out and get new ones. the letters will come slower and slower until that last stamp is used. what a loss. the only positive thing about it is that it will make marks life a hell of a lot easier. unless he enjoys the torment.
nobody is giving me adresses or phone numbers. except tim who has given me three business cards, one with his phone number on it and "I love you Alana!" with a little heart. what a sweetheart.
fuck the rest a yis. danke schon for nothing |
|
|
| as I burst into tears.. I need to snap out of this jealousy funk |
[Aug. 14th, 2003|01:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lucky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | when loev is all there is | ] |
"are you scared?"
"terrified."
"I would be too... but Alana, believe me... you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. that kid is head over heels in love with you"
yesterday I was really really confident. some old guy in maine pointed to me and said to tim "I like your pick!". and then his mother said I love you guys and gave me a hug. and the his father gave me a hug goodbye which was.... it meant a hell of a hell of a lot to me because I NEVER expected it. and then later on on the long way home tim started to say something and then he smiled really big, and I said what, and he was asked me if I was really going to study biology in college, and I said I don't know but I'm probably going to do something similar if not exactly that. and then I asked him why. and he said "because Clark has a really good biology program". !!!!!. and we have all of these plans and everything is perfect, why does it all have to change? I want to know if we're going to have a Jen and Freddy kind of thing or if one day he's just going to call me and tell me that he doesn't think he's in love with me anymore. I'm a dreamer, I want to marry my highschool sweetheart and I want to pick out ties for work in the morning and lay out his clothes for him and still be in love with him when he starts to lose his hair. and I know that's ridiculous and that will never happen, yeah right. in my dreams. but it could! jen and freddy started going out their freshman year and highschool and then they bought a house together and got married and now she's preg. I want that! I want to know. I don't want to see any other face but his when I walk down that god damn aisle. I want to see him be a dad.... to our children. I trust him so much and I've learned so much from him and I want to continue to be able to trust him but at the same time it's like fuck. I could place all of this trust in him and there's all kind of room for him to break that. there's room for me to break trust too, but westford doesn't have any other boys like him... I'm surrounded by a bunch of fuck-tard kinda guys(with some exceptions, but who are already taken). and he's going to be surrounded by flocks of beautiful smart clark lasses. but I trust him, I really do. and I'm like the luckiest of them all. I've been so lucky with him. so lucky for so long. christ. it's just so scary. it's just going to be so different. oh my god.
and what the fuck this emotional rollercoaster bullshit. megan came home, which was absolutely wonderful! Seth comes home in fucking... 4 days!!!!!!!! I'm going to shit myself when I see him and I'm going to cry and give him a big hug and a kiss oh my god can't wait, CAN'T WAIT! and then... 4 days after seth comes home, my Tim leaves me for Clark. and I'm going to cry and be miserable and wonder what he's doing all the time, and try to call him all the time, and visit him as soon as I can and take him home.
Everybody is telling me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about at all. and sometimes I believe them, but I like to make myself feel scared, I think. well I don't like it, it makes me feel horrible but I do it anyway. I think I need more of that self confidence or whatever it is.
don't tell anybody.
arg |
|
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| a little less than 10 days! |
[Aug. 7th, 2003|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | when love is all there is | ] |
I've been crying for what seems like every two seconds the past week. First it was someone at work, then it was my dad stirring a straw around in his coffee coolatta, plus I watch TLC all the time, then I thought of Seth and how I want him to be home NOW. then it was because he said that he loves me more than anything and I'm afraid that some day that won't be the case.
and I can't be a cirrus instructor next year. which is okay becuase I know that Kathryn wants it more. but it would have been fun. I need to raise a little under two thousand some-odd dollars, and I'm afraid to spend any money which SUCKS. sucks dick.
and I'm busy everyday until I don't know when. and everything is coming too fast(well..) and like... and I don't know when I'm going to do anything that I have to do for school (15 art pieces, read a book, visit colleges) |
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| "big tits and an ass to match" |
[Aug. 3rd, 2003|08:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Allie | ] |
for once, I'm actually excited to wake up in the morning. even if it's just for work. and it's not just today, it's like every day now. it's a really good feeling. and I'm totally unbelievably like woah in love with the cutest guy ever and all I really want to do most of the time is be with him(well... yeah.)
and it's starting to come together and at the same time it's all about to change. so close but so far away.
and I'm going to see Yo Yo Ma tonight, gasp!
and I hate all of you |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2003|01:02 pm] |
too many nigga's, not enough ho's
too many rookies, not enough pro's |
|
|
| my head weighs a million pounds right now |
[Jul. 27th, 2003|10:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
I'm sick and I'm loaded with drugs and snot and stuff. Even still, my mom "thought I would like to pick Brendan up from Sweats' house". yeah okayyyy... So I'm on the road going to pick up my brother, my head weighs a ton, I can barely keep my eyes open. A song comes on 102.5 that I recognize, but I can't remember the name of. I knew that we played it in orchestra last year, and I found myself humming my parts but I couldn't remember the name of it for the life of me. And then I found myself enroute to Tims house instead of picking my brother up in the heart of nab. All the while I thought I was going way too fast until I looked down and noticed that I was barely going 30. On the way home my brother told me about his conversation with my parents at dinner that I actually listened to when I thought I was sleeping. Meanwhile my dad has the next 2 weeks off... who wants to take me in? please? I'm friendly, I like to cuddle, and I promise I wont eat too much |
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| the Dude + Walter = Nick Strutt + Nancy |
[Jul. 21st, 2003|05:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
It was SO so so nice not to have my parents home for a weekend. oh my god was it ever nice. it was nice not to have them follow me around the house all day and ask me the same question five hundred times.
a few of the best parts of not having them around were:
a)being able to park in the garage. I just like it.
b)eating food in the living room.
c)finding tim in his birthday suit(wink wink) in my bed waiting for me to get out of the shower.**
d)taking a nap with tim in my bed.
e)not having to be afraid to tell them where I'm going. or when I'm coming home.
**that was the absolute best part, haha
the only downside is that now they're home, and they have all of this week off(the worst.)
Today my little Timmy became an adult. Unfortunately he's spending his birthday at his grandmothers wake. He's coming over afterwards so I'm going to wrap his present up real nice and make him a little cake. He'll probably be pooped and not stay for very long, but thats ok. |
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lonely